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May 05, 2008
A Secret Confession
I have a confession to make.
I love being alone.
This is very surprising to me. I've spent most of my life trying to avoid being alone. As the odd ball in elementary school, cliques and best friends forever were a sore point. In high school I unconsciously sabotaged the friendships I had built up because I had a bad case of the dark-and-mysterious-loner syndrome. Whatever the reason for not being a social butterfly, I have often felt the effects as acutely as a dangling hangnail. This of course led to several years of the all-I-want-is-a-boyfriend blues and a whole bunch of contradictory feelings about wanting to be popular and well-liked, but not really knowing how to or wanting to play the field.
But something has overcome me this week. I suddenly, for the first time in my 21 some-odd years of life, love me some autonomy. I relish riding the bus, talking long solitary walks, eating in restaurants all by my not-so-lonesome self and sitting outside with only a book for company. This has no doubt perplexed friends, family, and Dear Boyfriend. Whatever has overtaken me has clearly been creeping up for some time. My roommates no doubt noticed my frequent escapes from the apartment, as welcoming and jovial as it was, for somewhere offering a less intense social experience than a small apartment shared by four boisterous girls. My father wondered why I was moping when I sequestered myself in my bedroom with my computer and a good book the other evening. And poor Dear Boyfriend has been mystified all week about why his usually affectionate and enthusiastic girlfriend has gone into hibernation.
Perhaps I'm detoxing from an unusually social semester. Living with your best friends leads to a lot of hanging out, as does having your boyfriend actually live in the same city as you. Perhaps I actually made friends with myself last summer trekking across the United Kingdom with only a notebook and peanut butter sandwiches to offer conversation and affection. Perhaps some mental tendon snapped and the days of an almost canine-like desire for constant contact with and reassurance from others have come to an end.
Whatever happened or why, I love being by myself..
| By Spike | 04:59 PM
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Comments
You lucky girl! Nothing like enjoying your own company! May you never stop doing that.
Posted by: Keera at May 6, 2008 10:26 AM